All Real Madrid want is a nice goalkeeper from the Premier League. Is that really too much to ask? David de Gea has strung them along for three years, Thibaut Courtois is flirting but not committing, Kasey Keller has retired.

So who? Hugo Lloris, that’s who.

The Sun says the European champions are plotting a raid for the Tottenham shotstopper, who has apparently “spoken to pals” about life in La Liga and is “open” to a move to the Bernabeu.

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Real are aware, however, that it would take a “monster offer” to prise the World Cup-winning Frenchman away from White Hart Lane. This does not mean they will enlist an actual monster to personally, threateningly make the offer (although it would be great to see Daniel Levy’s face if they did do this). Rather it means that Lloris would be expensive: £60m to be precise.

The Spanish giants retain an interest in Courtois, and may have actually spoonfed this entire story to the media just to make the Belgian jealous, but as for Kasey Keller, that ship has sadly sailed.

Chelsea to sign Rob Green

Saying that, as a goalkeeper you should never say never. Take Robert Green, for instance. The former West Ham and QPR man spent the entirety of last season sitting on Huddersfield’s bench, but today he is being linked with a move to Chelsea.

The Sun says the Blues have offered the 38-year-old a one-year contract just as he was about to retire. The stage is now perfectly set for the veteran, who famously embarrassed himself in the World Cup in 2010, to end his career in fairytale style by winning the Champions League. (Ah no sorry, just remembered Chelsea aren’t in the Champions League – awkward).

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The Blues and Manchester United have enquired about signing the Bayern Munich midfielder Thiago Alcantara, according to ESPN.

The 27-year-old Spaniard is looking for a new challenge after winning five Bundesliga titles in a row and getting thoroughly bored with it. He would prefer a return to former club Barcelona but the Catalans are not willing to meet his £62m price tag, whereas United and Chelsea would be.

Meanwhile, the Red Devils are considering “alternative targets” to Chelsea midfielder Willian and may approach Eintracht Frankfurt’s Croatian winger Ante Rebic instead, says the Independent.

Elsewhere, Arsenal director Alisher Usmanov is looking to sell his 30% stake in the club after accepting that majority owner Stan Kroenke will never cede overall control to him (Financial Times), Everton and West Ham are interested in Augsburg’s 25-year-old Austrian defender Martin Hinteregger, who is valued at £13m (Sun) and veteran Swedish super-coach Sven-Goran Eriksson is in “advanced talks” to become the manager of the Iraq national team (Sky Sports). Hasn’t that country suffered enough?