Porsche Cayenne S review: A hard car not to want – even when you know you probably shouldn’t

The pressure to “do the right thing” can be unbearable, especially when it comes to buying a new car. But sometimes temptation trumps prudence, like a child sneaking a chocolate digestive or two while mum’s back is turned. You know it will be frowned upon, perhaps a lot worse, yet the promise of pleasure can be too much to resist.

So it is with the new Porsche Cayenne S, which is the antithesis of the current direction of travel in the automotive industry. Where most manufacturers are transitioning to fully electric cars, if not hybridising their petrol ones, or at least downsizing their petrol engines to smaller, more economical versions, Porsche has decided that now is a good time to replace the 3.0-litre twin-turbocharged V6 in the Cayenne S with… a 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8.

And not just any V8; the very same that hitherto was the preserve of the range-topping GTS and Turbo, both of which have been discontinued as part of a rationalisation process. Filling the subsequent gap is part of the reasoning behind the S’s upward mobility.

So in a world in which reduce, reuse and recycle are the watchwords, does a two-tonne-plus, V8-powered SUV feel like a dinosaur? Or does it, in fact, feel more like forbidden fruit?

Pros

• Tremendous engine

• Brilliant ride/handling balance

• Beautifully made, roomy interior

Cons

• Costly to buy

• Costly to run

• Costly for the environment

Eight’s great

The new engine brings an extra 34bhp to the S, reducing the 0-62mph time by two tenths of a second and adding 6mph to the top speed. As you might expect, it also brings with it a fuel economy penalty – though only of about one mile per gallon; let’s face it, if you’re in the market for such a car, that figure is unlikely to prove prohibitive.

Even before the new engine, the previous V6 S cost upwards of £77,000; that has risen by just over £7,000, which places the new S’s asking price almost exactly midway between that of the old version and the departed GTS.

That seems about right, given that the new S has more power than the GTS, though you do without the more hardcore undercarriage and look-at-me bodykit – so much the better, you might say.

You also get some of the sweetest residual values on the market in percentage terms, so at least you’ll see a fair chunk of that outlay back come part-exchange time.

As I’ve already implied, what you don’t get is the ability to even pretend to be part of the solution to climate change; even the most frugal Cayenne emits almost half a kilo of CO2 for every mile it drives.

Quality street

As we’ve already seen with the e-Hybrid model, tweaks forming this mid-life primp have been modest; the gear selector is now on the dash to allow for more storage space and a rejigged climate control panel. In addition, there is a curved instrument binnacle displaying virtual dials and as well as a 12.3-inch touchscreen in the centre of the dash there is the option of a 10.9-inch one ahead of the front passenger.

The result is that the Cayenne’s interior is as pleasant as ever; heavy on black and dark grey finishes, as befits its sporty image, but high on material quality and beautifully finished.

The touchscreen works well, and while the controls for the climate are an odd combination – a touchpad that clicks down when you press it, to provide some feedback – there are also rocker switches to adjust the temperature, so you can do so without looking away from the road.

It is roomy, too. Granted, you don’t get the practicality of a seven-seat option such as that of the Range Rover Sport, but there’s plenty of space for four, even five passengers, if those in the back aren’t too broad-shouldered.

The boot, meanwhile, will swallow almost 700 litres of stuff with the seats up and the load cover in place, which is more than enough to cope with a family’s luggage for a week away. Or an awful lot of packets of biscuits.

So far, then, the Cayenne S is rather likeable. But it is when you start the engine that you start to fall in love with it, because that is when you get your first taste of the delicious, velvety rumble from the 4.0-litre V8.

And I’m sorry to come over all childish, but this really is one of the Cayenne S’s great joys. Even nursing it around town, you get that glorious baritone soundtrack – not too loud, but ever-present. It’s the sort of aural treat that’s all too rare these days.

It’s a delight to drive, too, with beautifully weighted controls, perfectly calibrated pedals and a gearbox that changes ratios smoothly and swiftly. Of course, this is a large car, so nipping through tight gaps in town is a challenge, but the bulging front wings give you a good idea of where the corners are, which means it doesn’t feel quite as huge as it is.

Judged to perfection

Nor does it feel bone-shakingly sporty. The S has smaller wheels and softer suspension than the old GTS, so immediately it is more forgiving, yet the Cayenne in this form is no custard cream – in fact, it is pitch perfect. There is enough snap to keep all that weight in check, but it is still smooth enough to isolate most bumps from your backside.

The suspension is adaptive as standard, which means a flick of a switch stiffens it. Even in Sport mode, though, the ride quality is not extreme. What you get, however, is even better body control, with the result that the Cayenne feels about half its size and weight when you’re pressing on.

In fact, the way the Cayenne seems to shrink is little short of remarkable. Granted, there is no getting around its physical dimensions, so there is quite a lot of bulk to be mindful of on a narrow back road – all the more so given the Cayenne needs little encouragement to drift its tail wide on a greasy, cold bend.

But the deftness with which it transfers its weight as you change direction, apply power and brake is head and shoulders above any other SUV of this size, meaning that even unexpected moments such as these are easily gathered.

Combined with quick, direct steering and an eager front end, the result is a two-tonne-plus SUV that feels like a hot hatchback half the size and two thirds of the weight. And then, of course, there’s that engine.

You can still get a Cayenne with even more power, if you opt for one of the hybrid versions, but I’ve no idea why you would. It is not as though the S is lacking, and you’d miss out on the V8’s delectable soundtrack.

Indeed, in this form, the Cayenne feels fast in that effortless, all-encompassing way that any turbocharged, V8-powered performance car should; great wads of buttercream-smooth torque which give way to a boosty, frantic, thudding top end as rewarding as a honeycomb centre. It doesn’t really matter what gear you are in when you floor it, because there is always urge to spare.

The Telegraph verdict

You might not like the idea of a big, heavy, thirsty SUV; indeed, you might find such a thing socially unacceptable. But the trouble is, the Cayenne S is just too tasty to resist.

It is able to give you the same sort of childish thrill as a biscuit tin raid when you are in the mood. And when you are not, it is capable of soothing and cosseting you as much as you desire. There is room for family or friends and a huge boot for the bags – or the dogs.

It does everything well; it is, in other words, pro having its cake and eating it. Of course, cakeism comes at a cost, which is both palpable, in terms of the sheer cost of buying and running one, and intangible, in terms of its effect on the environment.

But if you can live with those costs, very little else can do what the Cayenne S can; that is able to match its ability to transform you into a giggling child while also carrying your own offspring (who, chances are, will be giggling along with you).

It’s a hard car not to want, in other words. Even when you know you probably shouldn’t.

The facts

On test: Porsche Cayenne S

Body style: Five-door SUV (also available as a five-door SUV Coupe)

On sale: Now

How much? £84,400 RRP (range from £70,400)

How fast? 170mph, 0-62mph in 5.0sec

How economical? 22.8mpg (WLTP Combined)

Engine & gearbox: 3,996cc V8 petrol engine, eight-speed automatic gearbox, four-wheel drive

Maximum power/torque: 468bhp/443lb ft

CO2 emissions: 282g/km (WLTP Combined)

VED: £2,605 first year, £570 next five years, then £165

Warranty: 3 years/unlimited miles

Spare wheel as standard: No (optional extra)

The rivals

BMW X6 xDrive40i M Sport

376bhp, 32.8mpg, £77,535 on the road

BMW doesn’t make a pure petrol variant of the X5 any more, so its closest rival to the Cayenne S is this X6. It is a little way off the pace, with much less power, though its economy and emissions are far more tolerable. It is cheaper, too. The Porsche is more fun, though.

Range Rover Sport P400 R Dynamic SE

395bhp, 29.4mpg, £90,960 on the road

On paper, you get more for less by choosing this over the Cayenne. In the flesh, the Sport is a larger, even roomier car with a lighter, airier interior and seven seats as standard, which goes some way toward justifying its higher price. Of course, it is neither as fast nor as engaging as the Porsche – so if you only need to seat five, the Cayenne makes more sense

Mercedes-Benz GLE 450 AMG Line

376bhp, 28.5mpg, £82,110 on the road

You’ll pay almost as much for this V6-powered GLE as you will for the V8 Cayenne with almost 100bhp more, which rather makes the Porsche look like – whisper it – a good deal. The Merc’s a pleasant thing, probably a little more wafty than the Cayenne, but the Porsche’s broader spread of talents mean it’s probably worth the couple of grand more.