I didn’t get to be with my parents as they died. But they knew I loved them

I’m pleased that Adrian Chiles and others (Letters, 16 April) found comfort by being with their parents when they died. I didn’t. My father died in hospital while I was 100 miles away getting a change of clothes. My mother died in her care home while I was out looking for a suitable venue for her funeral. They both knew I loved them and that I was grateful for everything they had given me.

I chose not to see either body, partly because neither of them would have wanted me to. Some of my friends think I have denied something to myself. I don’t. There is no single right time, place or way to manage our grief. We all find our own, often inadequate response. And life goes on.
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• Yes, there is a privilege in watching your parent or indeed your partner die. Rachael Stirling and Adrian Chiles have both written movingly about their experiences. But on 13 April as my three daughters and I watched my husband very slowly and quietly taking his last breath, there was a beautiful synchronicity. He had watched each one of them come into the world. It was their privilege (and mine) to be with him and watch him as he left it.
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