No, no, no – in the words of Victor Meldrew, I just don't belieeeeve it...
I love Audis. From the time I first slipped into one of their lovely comfy leather seats behind that flat-bottomed steering wheel, I was hooked. Nothing they could do could upset me. Until...
I know my colleagues Andy and DJ have had a bit of a pop about the sat nav in the past. But they had to be wrong. It's an Audi, after all.
But they were right. It drove me mad. I couldn't get the thing to let me put in a postcode. Every time I neared the end of it, it jumped to the address it thought I wanted.
That was very nice of it. But it kept getting it wrong. And I couldn't work out how to put it right.
In the end, I gave up, followed directions to the postcode it would give me (a couple of miles away from my destination) and then, feeling like a dinosaur, followed the road signs to get where I needed to be. Who uses road signs these days?
And, horror of horrors, I found another worrying thing. It was tipping down outside, and had been for most of the journey. When I opened the tailgate, water poured down on to the parcel shelf and on to my luggage in the boot. What's gone wrong?
Model: Audi A3 Sportback S line 2.0 TDI
Price: £31,130 (as tested)
Engine: 2.0-litre turbocharged diesel
Power: 182bhp, 380Nm
Max speed: 145mph
Mileage this month: 852
This month's highlight
Motorway driving. This is a compact car that thinks it's an executive saloon.