Could moving house kill your relationship?

One in ten couples split up after moving house, while three quarters say they suffered some sort of relationship problems as a result of the move. Things are even more extreme for those moving in together for the first time - 87% of them suffer relationship problems.

Research for removal firm Kiwi Movers found that moving in together had the power to kill a relationship. Some 11% of people moving in with a significant other for the first time say the move contributed to the end of their relationship. Of those, 58% had split up within six months, while 80% of them had split within a year.
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Move in together for the first time

Among those moving in together, the biggest problems related to adjusting to one another's habits. It's hardy surprising: you have spent at least a couple of decades getting used to your own quirks and ticks - it's bound to take someone else a while to adjust to them too.

The second biggest problem was a lack of personal space, followed by rows over money and then the sharing of chores around the house. Relationship coach and author Annie Kaszina says most of the most common issues can be minimised by discussing things carefully during the planning phase.

She says: "Agree on your game-plan ahead of time. Work out together how you can make this work; together. Have a strategy for handling the issues that are likely to crop up, as well as an agreed method for resolving conflict (hint: pistols at dawn, sulks, and screaming matches are not the best methods of conflict resolution)."

"Have a clear, shared policy on bills and money management, standards of cleanliness and hygiene, mutual support, and chore management. Be realistic. Don't expect your partner to be a domestic god or goddess, especially if they showed no signs of that in their own place."

Finally, she suggests a shared bank account for house-related expenses, into which you both contribute an amount you agree on (either the same sum or the same proportion of your salary) and then pay for house-related expenses and bills out of that account.

Moving house again

Unsurprisingly, moving in together for the first time emerged as the biggest relationship killer, but moving house can cause problems for even the most established relationships. The research found that in total 18% of people had serious relationship issues after moving house, while just one in three had no relationship problems at all - even temporary ones.

Oddly, the stress of selling up, finding a mortgage, buying a property - and all the expense and insecurity it entails - weren't the biggest sources of rows - that only made it to number three on the list.

The biggest source of conflict was the pre-move clear-out, during which couples disagreed about what should be thrown away. However, the research didn't measure the seriousness of the disagreements, so there's a fair chance that the 34% of people who admitted to these disagreements hardly came to blows about whether or not to put the coffee table on eBay.

The next biggest source of disagreements is more serious - because 24% of people said they had rows about the finances. If you are moving up the ladder, the combined expense of moving house plus the additional monthly mortgage payments will put any household budget under some sort of stress.

It's rare for just one issue to cause a split, but financial disagreements can put any relationship under pressure. A study by Utah State University a few years ago revealed that couples who argue about money regularly are 30% more likely to get divorced.

If you are making a bigger financial commitment, therefore, the experts say it's important to discuss it properly and think through all the implications before you move - so you have both agreed to any compromises on spending you will have to make.

If things crop up along the way, you need to have a basic approach you know you will take in order to resolve money rows. You can't predict everything, but if you resolve, for example, to tell each other about issues as soon as they crop up, compromise on a solution, and work hard not to resent difficult choices, then there's far less likelihood of being derailed by an unexpected bill or drop in income.