10 things no-one ever thought on payday
Payday isn't that important really. We all budget so carefully throughout every month, that there's never any need to cut back at the end of the month or splurge at the start.... said nobody ever.
Despite our best intentions, life tends to revolve around when our salary finally hits our bank account. And when that glorious moment comes, there are ten things you can be certain won't be going through your mind.
1. Really is it pay day? I had no idea
We all know when pay day hits. It's not just highlighted on the calendar: it's etched into our minds. You'd be more like to forget your own birthday than forget the day when the cash drought finally ends and we can emerge, blinking, into the land of the living again.
2. Mine's a tap water
As Downton Abbey has taught us, there are specific drinks for particular occasions: gin before dinner, champagne for your eldest daughter's debut on the social scene, and copious amounts of alcohol the Friday after pay day. Without it, what would emergency response crews get to do later in the evening?
3. I've already got everything I need
There's a reason why you receive a flurry of emails on payday suggesting you treat yourself to the 'new season' of fashions. The shops know that as the cash dries up we feel the need to shop increasingly keenly, so we spend the last few days of the month counting down the seconds to the day when we can finally buy those shoes/pay the gas bill/eat.
4. I'll need to factor that into my budget
Budget smudget. Budgets are for desperate people frantically working out where the money went at the end of the month: payday is for throwing caution to the wind, buying something to reward yourself for all your hard work, and making really spectacularly poor spending decisions.
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5. I'd better not
Payday is the day of limitless possibilities. You can go anywhere, do anything, and pay for it all without the use of a credit card. This is the 'yes' end of the month. It's the time to go to that swanky new place for lunch, drink things with straws and little umbrellas, and sign up for a week in the sun. The 'No, I'd better not' part of the month will come soon enough - followed by the 'God, what have I done?' period, and finally the 'No, I'm fine with toast' stage.
6. I don't mind having nothing left - just as long as I have paid my debts
There is little in life more depressing than watching every penny of your pay go into paying off your overdraft or credit card on the first day of the month - so that you slog your guts out all month for the privilege of having precisely nothing to show for it at the end.
7. Thank goodness people like me are paying their taxes to support society
In fact, what we think - if we take the time to look at our payslip at all - is 'how much?' All the scorn we have for celebrities and their tax dodges evaporates as we consider how we can get in on the action, and stop forking out a third of everything we earn to pay for gold-plated taps for the second homes of super-rich politicians.
8. I'm glad I took that payday loan out last week
A loan to get you to the end of the month may seem like a good idea on the 25th, but by the first of the month, when the money comes out of your account - complete with a hefty fee - it's going to seem like another matter entirely. By the time you get to the 23rd of this month it's going to seem like an even worse idea, as the repayments and interest will have put you even further behind this month.
9. I'll just transfer the money left over from last month into my savings account
Money left over? Of course there's nothing left over at the end of the month. There probably hasn't been anything left for a week. The squeezing of salaries and rising prices have put paid to any notion of saving excess cash. Clearly it's no way to get through the year without the summer holidays or Christmas looming lout of the blue to destroy your finances. However, for those stuck in a cycle of spending and struggling, it's almost impossible to think of any way to cut costs and find a way out.
10. Oh there's no need: I'd pay you to let me work here
Presumably chocolate tasters and computer games testers feel that way, but even for those who are doing the job they dreamed about as a child, at the end of the month all thought of job satisfaction is lost in the general cry of 'Show me the money!'
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