Best ever passenger complaint letter? Ryanair rant goes viral

A Ryanair passenger who was left furious after missing a flight has written an open letter to the customer service team complaining of the airline's staff with brains "full of girls and Vauxhall Corsas".

James Lockley's hilarious Facebook rant came after a "vacant" member of staff at Stansted Airport 'caused him and his wife to miss their flight to Bratislava'.

In the brilliantly written letter, James explains that "After 2 hours of fun, fun, fun, stuck on the M25 doing 20 mph" the couple arrived at the check-in desk where their nightmare began.

"We approached the attendant as instructed and explained. Unfortunately, in the main part, due to him being a child, and forgetting to bring his mother to work, he heard only half of the words before his brain fell apart like a wet cake.

"He led us to the line for closing gates, advised we should wait and all would be ok. We stood patiently in the line for 20 minutes.

"We got to the front of the line and the lady, who we shall from this point refer to a Vacant, explained that she had literally just that second closed the flight and we had missed it.

"We complained that we had done as instructed and she said it was the child's fault because he should have advised her that we were trying to board a closing flight and that because he hadn't told her it was therefore our fault we had missed the plane."

James used a series of nicknames for the staff he met, including "Vacant", "Not That Bright" and "Middle Gimp".

He and his wife were forces to queue up at the customer services counter.

James continued: "Middle Gimp had clearly listened hard at Ryanair Middle Gimp school as he managed to take two perfectly calm and sane adults and in a matter of seconds reduce them to angry people considering violence.

"'Check in opens 3 hours before the flight' he barked repeatedly as if it was the answer to every question in life. We tried to ask Middle Gimp direct questions about why it was necessary for us to miss the flight because the Child had forgotten to do his job, and Vacant had forgotten to do hers.

"'Why is this our fault, and why should we miss the flight because Ryan Air staff have admitted they made errors?'

"'Check in opens three hours before the flight'

"'Do you acknowledge we have just cause for complaint as we tried to do the right thing and the only reason we are not on the plane is because of communication failures with Ryan Air Staff?'

"'Check in opens three hours before the flight'

"'What colour are my trousers?'

"'Check in opens three hours before the flight'

"'Do you think economic sanctions on Russia will diffuse the escalating situation in Ukraine?'

"'Check in opens three hours before the flight'

"'Were Man Utd right to fire David Moyes?'

"'Check in opens three hours before the flight'

"'My tinkle is hurting, could you take a look if I promise not to tell anyone?'

"'Check in opens three hours before the flight.'

James' letter has been shared 65,000 times on Facebook. Read the full letter here

Silliest ever holiday complaints
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Best ever passenger complaint letter? Ryanair rant goes viral

'Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.'

'I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.'

'On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.'

'We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.'

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel 'inadequate'.

'It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during siesta time - this should be banned.'

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. In fact, she had mistaken the 'do not disturb' sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

'The beach was too sandy.'

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

'We bought designer sunglasses for five euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.'

'No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.'

'It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England, but it only took the Americans three hours to get home.'

'I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.'

'The brochure stated: "No hairdressers at the accommodation". We’re trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying there?'

'There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.'

"My girlfriend kept me awake because she was snoring. Can I have a discount?"

'We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.'

'It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.'

'I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite.'

'My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.'

"My dog didn't enjoy his stay. Can I have a refund?"

'We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.'

"The hotel didn't have an ocean view." The hotel in question was in London, 80km from the nearest coastline. 

"The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

"Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

"We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."


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