One UK travel company is offering up the chance to join the mile-high club without the threat of getting arrested - with a starting price of £4,999.
Yep, for a princely sum you and your loved one can get flirty over thirty (thousand feet) and even perform a thigh-over (the pun opportunities here are endless).
And it's not just plane old sex in the sky on offer: you'll also get complimentary chocolates, Champagne, and an optional catering service, but the flight only lasts for an hour, so you may be too busy for food...
According to the offer on wish.co.uk, you'll be met at the airstrip by "the most discreet pilot currently employed in British aviation".
Silky pillows, scattered rose petals, soft lighting, and "luxurious linen with an erotically high thread count" can all be arranged upon request.
Then, as soon as the plane has reached the magical height required by international aviation law for nookie - 5,280 feet (a mile, geddit?) - you're apparently "good to go wild".
Who said romance was dead? It's Valentine's Day, and love is definitely in the air... Visit wish.co.uk for more information.
Airborne 'porn' not tickling your fancy? It's not too late to book one of these naughty but nice getaways:
Top 10 sensual Valentine's breaks
Get rude at altitude: How to join mile-high club without getting arrested
Looking for the last word in privacy? Call off the search. One by The Five is a luxurious and hedonistic single-suite hotel with a number of sexy extras, including a cocktail station with all the ingredients for a special "love elixir" (champagne, cognac, berries, cinnamon and sugar), as well as a choice of five sensual fragrances to be diffused into your room. Clouds and fibre-optic stars surround the suspended "floating" designer bed, while a 24-hour concierge will be on hand during your stay to cater to your every need. Price: Starts from £412.00 per room, per night. Visit onebythefive.com
The helpful staff at Hotel Barcelona Princess - on the world-famous Avenida Diagonal- have whipped up the perfect sensual Valentine's package, including accommodation in a Junior Suite with special romantic decoration, a sumptuous breakfast, a bottle of Cava and chocolate-covered strawberries, a free mini-bar and access to the sauna and pool. But the best bit? The offer also includes an “erotic kit” (plume, mask, lubricant, massage gel, condoms and lollipop included) to ensure a more-than-pleasurable stay.The hotel also boasts a sun terrace with pool on the 23rd floor with spectacular views of the city. Price: £131 per room per night from 16 January to 31 March. Hotel Barcelona Princess is a member of Great Hotels of the World Premium Collection. Visit ghotw.com.
With frisky couples in mind, myhotels has partnered with erotic lifestyle brand 210th to create a naughty-but-nice package available at myhotel Bloomsbury, myhotel Chelsea and myhotel Brighton. All three hotels offer a cheeky box from 210th including a luxury vibrator, massage oil and pleasure balls, satin blindfolds and 25 saucy assignments to surprise each other. The package also includes an overnight stay and an energy-boosting (!) continental buffet breakfast for two the morning after. Price: From £145, based on two people sharing. Visit myhotels.com or call 020 7637 2000.
Grand Hotel Kronenhof, a neo-Baroque property tucked away in a pretty Engadine valley, is offering a "Time for Two" Valentine's package that includes a 3 night stay with sumptuous breakfast buffet and daily Gourmet-Arrangement (half-board) in the Grand Restaurantwill and welcom Champagne in your room. Enjoy a romantic, private horse-drawn coach ride to Val Roseg. Relax for two hours in a private spa suite, where you can take a hydrojet bath together, before lounging on a double waterbed overlooking the snow-capped mountain peaks, followed by a simultaneous 25-minute aroma massage and a rasul ceremony in the steam bath. Sounds steamy, alright... Price: Grand Hotel Kronenhof’s “Time for Two” three-night package costs from CHF 1240 (approx £832) per person and includes accommodation, gourmet half-board (including breakfast buffet and dinner in the one-star Michelin restaurant Kronenstübli), welcome Champagne, a private horse-drawn carriage to Val Roseg and exclusive use of the private spa suite for two hours. Visit kronenhof.com.
Swap the sofa for a fabulously sophisticated treehouse at the upmarket spa hotel Chewton Glen in Hampshire. Your wrap-around balcony comes complete with its own hot tub, perfect for a night of romance. Relax in front of the wood burning stove and enjoy a candlelit dinner for two, as well as a sensual 90-minute couple's hot oil candle treatment in the luxury of your floating pavilion. You'll also receive a bottle of chilled Champagne and strawberries on arrival, together with a breakfast on both mornings. Price: The 'Valentine's break' package starts from £610 per room, per night, and also includes full use of the spa and leisure facilities. Visit chewtonglen.com.
A three-day jet set to the Maldives? Very flash. The Beach House at Iruveli Maldives offers a host of sexy treats, including a private beach dinner for two under the stars, an 80-minute Couple Experience treatment, daily breakfast in Four Corners restaurant, 3 course dinner in any a la carte restaurants or Theme Buffet Night in Four Corners and round-trip transfers from Male. Price: $1,417.00 per room per night (approx. £855) plus taxes and service charge. Valid for selected departures during February. Visit beachhousecollection.com.
Exotic Marrakech just oozes sensuality, and a stay at the Dar Jaguar, an ancient riad that has been lovingly restored as a beautiful private guesthouse, will not disappoint. Get cosy in your room with Champagne and strawberries upon arrival; enjoy a full body massage; take an exotic excursion beyond Marrakech to the waterfalls of Ouzoud; have a cooking lesson followed by a three-course candlelit dinner on the terrace overlooking the medina; and receive a private professional guided tour of the souk.
Price: From £600 per couple not including flights. Visit mantiscollection.com
Falling asleep under the spectacular African night sky after an indulgent bush bath in beautiful natural surroundings is a seductive, intimate experience. Lie back and reflect on an incredible day of game viewing in Botswana’s Okavango Delta in a private bath for two under the stars at the five-star Sanctuary Baines’ Camp. Each suite has a four-poster “sky bed” that can then be rolled out onto the candlelit wooden deck for an intimate night under the star-filled African sky. Price: Visit sanctuaryretreats.com or call 020 7190 7728.
If you can't afford to star-gaze in a bath in Botswana, there's a wonderfully romantic - and purse-friendly- alternative in picturesque Dorset. The Bothy is a stylish self-catering sanctuary for "grown ups only, please", according to its website. With its private courtyard and copper bateau tub, this is the place for skinny dipping under the stars. Valentine’s visitors also get a goodie bag with locally made massage balm and homemade chocolate truffles, to warm things up even more.
Where:, Launceston Farm, Tarrant Launceston, Blandford Forum, Dorset. Price: £325 for a three-night break for two. Visit sawdays.co.uk or call 01258 830528
Sleeping beauties will be able to enjoy a luxurious package with a loved one this Valentine’s Day at the five-star St. James’s Hotel and Club. This is the perfect choice for lovebirds who want a relaxing, private break.
You and your Valentine will slip between fine thread-count sheets in one of the hotel's well-appointed Junior Suites. A chilled bottle of Champagne will await your arrival, whilst fine-dining and inspired imbibing are mere moments away at the downstairs bar or Michelin-starred Seven Park Place. But if you can't prise yourself away from your beautiful boudoir, then laze in bed with your beloved, a flute of fizz in-hand and a classic black-and-white in-room movie flickering in front of you; in the morning, laze with a late English breakfast and receive delivery of a sensuous massage hamper courtesy of stylish spa brand Cowshed. Lock yourselves away for the rest of the weekend, light the seductive room candle and celebrate Valentine’s Day by pampering each other with the bath and body oil provided in the hamper.
The Ultimate Lay-In package includes overnight stay in a Junior Suite, a chilled bottle of champagne upon arrival, English breakfast served in your room, a Cowshed sensous massage hamper and 2 champagne cocktails served at William's Bar and Bistro.
Price: This relaxing, romantic break costs £520 per couple, per night.This exclusive offer is only available from the 14th – 16th February, for a minimum stay of two nights.
For reservations, call 020 7316 1600 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.