It's official: my Nissan Juke R beats your Ferrari
The headline above may be the essence of lazy sensationalism, but that doesn't stop it being true: the Nissan Juke-R is quicker than a Ferrari.
That 'a Ferrari' has to be a California, mind, because it, the girls' Ferrari, gets to 62mph in 3.9 seconds. The Juke-R does it in 3.7. Every other new Ferrari is either as quick or quicker than that. So there you go.
Yes, Nissan has FINALLY given us some hard facts about the Juke-R, which in case you've forgotten is a Nissan Juke with the mechanicals of a Nissan GT-R shoehorned into it by car engineering project masters RML.
As well as the 3.7-second 0-62mph time, the Juke-R will top out at 160mph, thanks to a 485bhp 3.8-litre V6 twin-turbo engine.
Obviously this car has nowt to do with the Juke you drive, but we're all still hoping it will beget some mildly silly version of the Juke IRL. A 3.5-litre V6 version without the turbos and with the roll cage taken out, perhaps?
Two Juke-Rs have been built, one with the steering wheel on the right hand side and the other with it on the left. We now wait to see whether Nissan will let us have a go.
Despite continuing to give the car publicity, we've been fairly scathing in the past about the extent to which Nissan has documented the Juke-R's development.
But it turns out that this stream of consciousness marketing strategy has paid off nicely for Nissan, because the development video documentaries have achieved 2.2m YouTube views to date.
There'll be more this month, showing the Juke on the road. Next month we can expect to see it on sand, grass, Astro turf then a bed of nails.
By 2020 the final video will have been made, showing the Juke parked in a Japanese collector's garage, doing nothing. A plastic bag will float by. It will be beautiful. The title will be 'Part 1,432: resting gently, so gently, with the Juke-R'.
And then it will be over.
So here's part 11:
(Disclaimer: other tiny SUV crossovers are available...oh.)