The whole of Europe is obsessed with Gianluigi Donnarumma right now because he's young, successful and absurdly talented.
It's almost enough to make you straight-up hate the teenage AC Milan goalkeeper. In fact, we do kind of hate him, just a little bit. And here's why...
1. He's 17
If you're not wildly jealous of a kid who broke into the Milan team at 16 and is their undisputed first-choice goalkeeper at the age of 17, you're too zen for your own good. The only proper and sensible response is pure, spiteful envy.
2. He casually does stuff like this
This is the latest in Donnarumma's stellar scrapbook of saves. This one helped Milan to a 1-0 win over Pescara in a match where he didn't really have anything else to do. It's like there's one obligatory stunner every week, just to prove a point.
3. Statistically, he's the best
These numbers speak for themselves. Unacceptably good. He's also the youngest goalkeeper ever to play for Italy, just FYI.
4. He wants to be captain
Donnarumma told Corriere dello Sport: "Playing for Milan was a dream. Now that I've done that, I also hope to become captain." Just a reminder: the lad's 17. Imagine being some grizzled old pro in the Milan team (not that there are many of them right now) and being told your new captain is a 17-year-old goalkeeper. To be fair, he did qualify that by adding: "Maybe in 10 years." But even so.
5. Even Gigi Buffon thinks he's the new Gigi Buffon
The comparisons go beyond the name and are so clear that even Buffon can see them. The Juventus goalkeeper, who made his Parma debut at the age of 17, has called Donnarumma a "chosen one", a "top keeper" and a "rare" talent. He's probably sick of being asked about him by now.
6. Even his beard is good
God damn you, Gigi. No 17-year-old should be that perfect.