Finally, Ed Miliband wins a vote...of festive funnies


Ed Miliband may have lost the general election, but he has come top of a poll of festive funnies this year.

The former Labour leader's political defeat, Jeremy Clarkson's infamous punch-up and the Volkswagen emissions scandal all made the list after a search for the best modern Christmas cracker jokes.

In a bid to keep the gags short and snappy, entrants who fancied themselves as comedians submitted their offerings on Twitter and 2,000 British adults voted for their favourites.

The competition, by UKTV's comedy channel Gold which has been renamed Christmas Gold for the month of December, was prompted two years ago after research suggested many people considered Christmas cracker jokes to be outdated.

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau said: "So at last Ed Miliband has won a vote this year. Maybe it's not the same as getting into Downing Street but it must be nice for him to know that he has not been forgotten by the British public.

"There are some cracking jokes in this year's top 20 and some cheesy ones too, but that's what makes Christmas crackers so popular."

:: The top 10 funniest jokes for 2015

1. Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10

2. I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil

3. Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they'd been floored by his punch 

4. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side

5. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue

6. Why don't Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong

7. Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o

8. Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked.

9. Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh

10. What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce

The witticisms that just missed out on the top spots include

:: Why won't Tom Jones be carol singing this Christmas? He's lost his Voice

:: Why didn't people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars? They didn't have any Windows

:: Why doesn't anyone trust Jeremy Corbyn to put up the Christmas tree? Because it always leans to the left