West Midlands police have released sound recordings of what are definitely not emergency phone calls the public have made.
They vary from animal-related queries to examples of an absolute absence of basic common sense, with one woman heard saying: "Hi I was wondering if you could help, my finger is stuck in a bottle."
To tackle the high number of nuisance calls, police released the video in a bid to promote their 101 phone service, informing the public of the incidents they should report.
Incidents worthy of reporting include anti-social behaviour, car theft, drug use or dealing and minor traffic accidents.
Every year the force receives over four million telephone calls, including almost 700,000 emergency calls - many of which, however humorous, are not genuine emergencies and waste police time.
One caller can be heard reporting a bird incident: "Hi there i've got an injured seagull in front of me."
The operator replies: "I'll give you the number for the RSPCA." The caller says: "I've already called them... oh wait they are pulling up behind me."
Another caller says: "There's a twelve inch lizard... which I've captured... I've put it in a box in the bath so it can't escape."
Chief Supt Jim Andronov, head of Force Contact, said: "On a serious note matters like this are clearly not police incidents. Similarly the police do not have powers to prosecute for noise nuisance – including noisy washing machines – or for removing graffiti, both of which are council issues.
"A quick internet search, or using sites like Ask the Police, would quickly clear up confusion like this and keep our call centres free to deal with more pressing matters."