Sex in your sixties: Everything you need to know

'Sexpert' talks positions, lubricant, vibrators and more...


Heartfelt Advice For Senior Sex - And A Question For The Younger Set

You might be looking forward to retirement, but who says you have to give up on sex just because you're a pensioner? According to Durex's sex and relationship expert Susan Quilliam, many couples find a new lease of life sexually in their later years.

See also: Natural alternatives to Viagra

"Sex in older age is more socially acceptable these days, while advances in medical care mean that more of us are staying fit and healthy for longer. Without the pressure of a family to raise, couples have more time to focus on each other – and all those years of experience and self-knowledge can add up to amazing sex!"

We quizzed Susan about the best positions, and top tips for enjoying sex in your sixties...

What if you've been with someone so long, the spark has gone?
A loss of libido can be a problem, particularly for post-menopausal women, but it's never too late to get things back on track, according to Susan.

"Some couples find that they become best friends, which can make sex feel a bit awkward, while others fall into routines and rituals that can mean they lose any sense of excitement. My advice is to go back to basics: massage, cuddle, and find out what you both like. Take things slowly and be playful in your approach.

"You will both have changed over the years. Don't make presumptions about what your partner does or doesn't like - take time to get to know one another again."

How should the over sixties approach a new sexual relationship?
"The divorce rate for over 55s is on the rise, which means more people are starting new relationships in later life," says Susan.

If you feel anxious about jumping into bed with someone new, Susan's advice is to be realistic.

"The biggest problem people have is with self-belief. As a woman at 65, you're not going to look the way you did at 25, but then neither will the new man in your life. The good news is that you know your body better now and know how to help your partner please you.

"Don't fall for the myth that people just want quick sex and nothing more. Most people, whatever their age, are looking to make a real connection with someone.

"I always say that you should 'make friends before you make love'. If you can talk openly and feel comfortable together, the sex is going to be that much better, plus it will take any nervousness away."

Which position would you recommend for those with knee or hip problems?
Despite the fact that we're living longer and enjoying better health, old age can bring with it arthritics knees and dodgy hips – but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex.

"The best kind of sex involves experimentation. Allow the person who is less physically able to lie on their back. If that's the man, then the woman should go on top. If the woman is less able and the man can take his weight on his elbows, than he should go on top. If you both suffer with stiff joints, then lying side by side in a 'spooning' position can work.

"There are lots of websites and books to take a start from, but be willing to try out different positions to find what works best for you.

"It can help to make love at a time of day when you're most comfortable. For example, that might be in the evening after you've had a warm bath and your muscles are relaxed and supple. The best sex is not a marathon. It has pauses and little rests before you build the arousal back up, so don't be afraid to stop and grab a cushion or change position."

Would you recommend that women over sixty use lubricant?
"Lack of lubrication can be an issue for women after menopause, particularly if she is not using hormonal supplements, but there are things that can help. Your GP may be able to prescribe medication that builds the vaginal tissue back up, and there are some fantastic lubricants on the market.

"I would advise buying a vibrator too. We lose sensitivity as we get older, and women in particular can need stronger stimulation to orgasm. If you're not used to using one, I would recommend a compact vibrator for clitoral stimulation. Because it's smaller, it can be easier to introduce into your love making."

Three products that may improve your sex life:

Durex Play Delight Mini Vibrator, £9.95

Durex Play Perfect Glide 50ml, £9.99

The Joy of Sex: The timeless guide to lovemaking, £9.99 Kindle Edition

Related videos:

How This Woman Rediscovered Her Sexuality At 70